Parental Mediation

David is 9 years old and on his last birthday his grandparents gifted him his own tablet. He is delighted with his new “toy” with which he can now connect to the Internet. His parents would have preferred a different gift, but they did not want to ruin his surprise. The truth is it is not that serious either, a 9-year-old boy cannot get too far…Anyways, most kids his age already have a tablet or phone.

As soon as David gets home from school he goes straight to his room, and does not let go of his tablet until dinner time. His parents start to see that he is leaving his other games aside, even his favorites, and that he does nothing but go on the Internet. When asked what he is doing, he always replies, “watching videos”. .

One day, sounds of gunshots come from the open door of his room. His parents look into his room, “What is it that you are watching son?” David, shrugging his shoulders says, “nothing, videos”. And he hands them the tablet.

Feeling paralyzed his parents watch, realizing that the videos David has been watching are extremely violent: they look like war scenes, but it is clear that the weapons and victims are real. They don’t know how to react. They wonder how long these videos have been in the hands of their 9-year-old son and what else he could have found on the Internet. How can they help him make better use of the Internet?

The main tool we have in parental mediation is communication. Making technology, as well as the Internet and its risks part of family conversations is within our control, and our best tool to convey positive messages to our children about responsible Internet usage. It will also be crucial when it comes to detecting problems and reacting in time.

Availability. To build a trusting relationship, the child must know that adults will always be available to help solve any problems they may face or questions that arise. Avoiding exaggerated reactions or blaming them generates more trust.

Encouraging social skills and critical thinking. A key aspect of communication with children is the internalization of critical thinking that helps them evaluate their actions and decisions. Self-esteem, assertiveness, and empathy are positive social skills that will help them handle conflict appropriately.

Supervision and communication. Monitoring their online activity doesn’t mean using “spying techniques”. The child can share their Internet experience with us if we foster communication and trust. If we choose to use parental control tools, viewing them as a complement to our educational and communicative work, it´s important to talk to the child about installing these tools and reasons for using them.

Communication in adolescence. There are ages and stages when communication may be affected, but if there is a trusting environment in the family, the child will know they can turn to their parents or another trusted adult for help if there are problems, without fear of potential repercussion.

Listening and guiding. Communication is a channel that must remain open in both directions. Therefore, it is necessary to listen to children, understand what they think, what they do, and how they interact online. When listening it is essential not to judge prematurely and focus on the aptitudes that need improvement.

Promoting balance in the use of new technologies is essential to prevent problems of overuse or dependence. To achieve this balance, it is necessary to instill moderation and a critical attitude in children so they can find a balance between the advantages of the Internet and technological devices, versus excessive use and dependence on them for any task.

This objective starts by avoiding connection out of boredom and connection habits that interrupt other activities, such as constantly checking messaging apps to see if there are any notifications. We must set an example for children with our own attitude and encourage balanced use.

As much as possible, family devices should be placed in common areas of the home to monitor how they are being used and convey the idea that the Internet is a public space where anyone can see what you do, share, or post. In this regard, we can also use parental control tools or family agreements to establish usage hours and rules with the child.

Encouraging self-confidence and maintaining healthy habits outside of the Internet, such as playing sports, engaging in outdoor activities, reading, or spending time with friends, is crucial to prevent the Internet from becoming the only option for leisure. Similarly, teaching them to manage their emotions and moods is important to prevent the Internet from becoming a refuge for solving their problems.

• Always accompanied. Prevention should start from the very moment they access electronic devices, or even earlier. They should never be alone on the Internet, and you can use this time together to share their experiences and instill values and attitudes regarding safety and privacy. If, at any point, the child could be left alone with a phone or tablet, the possibility of accidentally accessing the Internet should be eliminated.
• Clear rules from the start. From the start, it is necessary to set limits on the time and moments of use. Its essential that these rules are clear, reviewed from time to time, and not commonly ignored. It´s good practice for them to participate in creating these rules.
• Content selection. All the content the child will access should be selected in advance to ensure its appropriate for their age and maturity.

• Limited Internet access. As children mature, they also become more independent. Due to this, it is necessary to set up limited Internet access depending on the maturity level of the child, on all the devices they have available to them.
• Adapted and quality content. If the content is no longer selected in advance, it is advisable to use parental control programs that limit accessible content, promoting appropriate and positive content.
• Adaptation of rules and limits. Rules and limits should adapt as children grow, mature, and take on more responsibility. Parental control tools can be useful to limit screen time and content, but we should always discuss these rules with the child so that they understand them. For example, explaining why they should not share their phone number or address.
• Emphasizing responsible use of the Internet. At this age, it is important to highlight aspects such as privacy protection, device protection, and critical thinking regarding the information they may encounter. Additionally, we will begin to place importance on their socialization and contact with others through the Internet.

• More open environments. Little by little we can begin to eliminate restrictions, expand their ability to make decisions regarding content, and gradually adapt existing parental controls.
• Selection of video games: . The majority of video game consoles also have Internet connection, and are one of the most used content types at this age. To determine which games are suitable, PEGI ratings can serve as a guideline.
• Establish family rules. The rules should evolve in line with the child´s development and be agreed upon, making it easier for them to commit to and accept them. We will particularly focus on issues such as respecting others, thinking before posting, and being selective with contacts they add.
• Establishing criteria for their first mobile phone: . Despite social pressure, we must assess whether the child is mature enough to have their own phone. When the time comes, agree on the usage rules and discuss potential problems and consequences that may arise.
• Prevention of the most common problems. This is the age when cases of cyberbullying increase, due to the entry into social media. Similarly, curiosity about sexuality arises, bringing risks such as sexting or grooming. Therefore, it is important to address these topics in advance, so we are prepared for possible incidents, encouraging them to come to us if a problem arises.

• Greater autonomy. At these ages, restrictions and parental controls gradually lose their effectiveness, so we will encourage their responsibility regarding the content or topics that may attract their curiosity such as violence, pornography, harmful trends, or dangerous online communities.
• Responsible use of social media and instant messaging. Their main motivation for using the Internet is to connect with others, through social media and instant messaging. They must be aware and critical with the personal information they share, prioritizing respect for others.
• Encourage them to maintain a positive reputation: . It is important at these ages to focus on the image they are projecting through the Internet and the potential consequences it may have, both now and in the future..
• Consensus on new rules: . Once again, rules and restrictions should tend toward greater freedom and autonomy. Family agreements are useful for ensuring that the rules are accepted by adolescents, with them being actively involved in the decision making.